FRIENDS AGAIN

Karen and I just returned from 16 days of ministry in Turkey, Bulgaria, and Romania and as we traveled I got to reunite with old friends (how sweet and precious to God) and Karen made new friendships. At each stop along the way I saw just how important friendships are to God and to us. You know we value our strengths and abilities often by numbering the friendships we keep, but I would think God measures our real strengths and abilities by the number of friendships we have lost. While it was good to see wonderful old friends I know I still have some old friendships (I still call them friends) in the States that need to be reconciled. One friend I contacted before we left to see if he had a message or anything I could carry in to some of our mutual friends by way of dinner at our home, but was told I still had to meet his conditions for our friendship to reconcile. I was told we would have to meet on neutral ground to see if I have changed. Well, I have reached out time and time again to my old friend, but he is stuck in his offense at me (while thinking he is doing the spiritual thing) and continues to rebut me. Charles Haun taught me a man cannot give what he does not have and I can see this play out time and time again in our relationship, and yes this article may not endear him to me, but that is a risk I am willing to take because there is something the LORD showed me on our travels that I feel to share with my friends and in hope to prevent this from happening to them. Here it is now it is not deep, but common sense; for restoration to happen in any relationship there must be one person who is willing to hold on to the hope in believing reconciliation can happen. I know that is not really deep, but it is so true. In Galatians Paul said it this way, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 3For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.” (Galatians 6:1-3) Someone must be willing to extend the olive branch in reconciliation. Someone must be willing to stand in the gap for friendship to happen if not then it would be almost impossible for one time friends to come together. Now it is important to know past mistakes cannot be a part of reconciliation, even issues of sin can be dealt with in God and gotten over if we truly desire to see things from God’s perspective and not be arrogant and haughty. Remember Paul told us, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” Only one that is spiritual can restore, so when we hold offenses close to our heart we are not spiritual we are nothing and deceive ourselves. Often times we harbor our desires and wishes even wrong motives to justify our anger and offense. I know I have done this before and if we all will be honest we all have done this or worse we take information from other friends to support our actions not knowing what was really (sometimes called bearing false witness) said because we were not there. And even worse by taking someone’s words at face value and then running with it you will miss out on what God is doing (because you were not there) sadly the end result will only turn the heart of another friend against (I know my friends did this to me) another friend. Friends do stick together even if they are misguided and ill-informed. Funny how in the Body of Christ we value someone’s spirituality over knowing the facts and truthfulness, but I guess that is the way it always has been. One’s ability to preach and teach must never be the basis on which to establish relationships if so that relationship is self-centered, selfish, and defiantly one sided. Godly relationships are based on mutual respect, honesty, and trust. It is not a servant master relationship because we all are to be servants, right? Godly relationships are based on the work of God in our lives, not on someone being over another by being “senior in the LORD.” Senior in the LORD what is that? Where is that found in the Bible? Ah yes another title we have made up to establish a preconceived pecking order to stroke our arrogant ungodly egos. We ALL are privates in the LORD’s army and not generals, oh we may think we are a general by the conditions we make up and by the treatment of each other, but not so in God. In Mark Jesus taught the disciples and us, “But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:42-45) We truly desire to be great it will be our humbleness and servant hood that makes us so not our abilities and strengths in God. There are two levels of servant hood here: for us to be great will require us to be a minister and the second deeper level, “whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.” The word “servant” here in the Greek is slave, not too many ministers want to be a slave to all. To be the leader spiritually we must serve everyone if not we will lead with our abilities and persona. When it is time to grab the bags at the back of the car the true leader in God is first in line. When time to get into the car spiritual leaders does not always have to get the front seat to want this is selfish and is a character trait of a taker not a giver. Now I can think of no greater loss of relationship between brother than between Esau and Jacob. I know of other brother relationships in the Bible like with Cain and Able or Joseph and his brothers. Yes Jacob the deceiver who out witted and took advantage of his older brother Esau, who deceived his own father with the help of his mother, who himself was deceived by his father-in-law (Laban), but as time wore on we see in the end it was Esau that allowed God to work in his life and seemingly had a change of heart hoping for reconciliation between him and his brother. In spite of wrestling with an Angel (Genesis 32:24-32) Jacob comes face to face with his older brother and has to face his actions. Did you know there are consequences to our actions? God is good at making us eat our words and face things we did in the past. Jesus did die for our sins, but he did not die for our bad choices. Here in Chapter 33 God brings Jacob face to face with his bad choices, but Jacob resorts to his name sake “deceiver” and tries to appease his older brother by having his wealth walk before him as if to say take what you want, but leave me alone. “And Jacob lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, Esau came, and with him four hundred men. And he divided the children unto Leah, and unto Rachel, and unto the two handmaids. 2And he put the handmaids and their children foremost, and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and Joseph hindermost. 3And he passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. 4And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept.” (Genesis 33:1-4) Please notice it was Esau who ran to meet Jacob maybe it was the limp Jacob had from wrestling (how foolish to wrestle with an Angel) with an Angel, but the Bible says Esau, “embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him and they wept.” This is the result God is after in us. I guess in the end it was Esau who was the spiritual brother as Jacob was still trying to save his own skin. For reconciliation to happen here either Esau or Jacob had to hold on to hope, but Jacob was trying to save his skin that meant the burden was on Esau. I say hold on my friend with relationships you think are worth redeeming and the ones you think are hopeless double down in your hope, continue to keep open contact, and in time (LORD willing) you will be friends again. Written by David Stahl