LOVE YOUR WIFE

In Ephesians 5:21 Paul lays out one of the greatest joys in my life and that is submit myself to my wife as she submits to me. Paul teaches married couples, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) But there seems to be not much of "the fear of God" these days. But, oh how I love my wife, Karen! I always say I am married to the best woman in the world. (every husband should say that) How could I not say that after she has faithfully gave me over 40 years of devoted loving service and commitment? How could not say I am married to the best woman in the world when she has entered the shadow of death four times bearing our wonderful children? How could I not say she is the best woman in the world as she cares for me (and I care for her) as we both fall into the ground year by year? Now it is important to know only spiritual people can submit to each other. Submission is not an action of the will or even servanthood, but an action of the heart and it is spiritual. This is why only spiritual people can submit. Non spiritual people are selfish, ambitious, arrogant, and self-centered wanting things their way. "I want what I want and if I do not get it then I will get my pound of flesh." I have seen this all of my life. Christian couples of all ages, married for many years, some with kids some not with kids, but there is no submission by either the husband or the wife, or both. A Godly marriage requires both the husband and the wife to submit to each other. Wow that is a real revelation to some Christian couples. What we most often see is the wife serving (maybe as a slave) under the hard hand of the husband enduring his commands as he recites, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22) I feel so bad for these ladies, but at the same time I am proud of their heart condition towards the word of God and their love for their husband in spite of their husband being dead wrong. On the other hand we often see where the roles are reversed. The husband's headship has been usurped (spawn by the spirit of Eve and/or Jezebel of this age) and he has been pulled out of his place of spiritual authority by his rebellious wife. Of the two examples the second (the man usurped by the wife) is far more dangerous to what God has joined together. Samuel told King Saul (even though not a marriage arrangement the concept is the same) rebellion before God (no matter who does it) is as the sin of witchcraft, a very serious charge before God indeed. In I Samuel we read, "Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. 23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king." (1 Samuel 15:22-23) One thing for sure God ALWAYS judges rebellion. Rebellion no matter the form or function always leads to God's judgment not His mercy. How many homes have suffered devastating things: infidelity, extreme relationship issues, separation, divorce, and so much more (all because of not lining up with what God has established in His word) out from the rebellion of the husband or the wife? All the while the husband is being browbeat and pummeled as he wrongly misapplies and recites, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" (Ephesians 5:25) While in Romania last year (and is the genesis of this article from an email of thanks I received lately) I had the opportunity to share these verses in Ephesians with the leaders of the weekly cell group and other married couples of a wonderful Pentecostal Church. Afterwards the wives and the husbands thanked me for helping set their marriages in order. Paul was not telling the husband to be a door mat "giving himself as Christ loved the church" as a servant laying his life down for his wife and family, but was showing couples at the Church at Ephesus how Christ gave Himself to the Church as He provided leadership, guidance, direction, and the love required for the submitting to His wife (the Bride) "the elect" who will come out of the present day "church." When a husband incorrectly operates under this misapplication of truth (by willfully stepping out of this place of authority) in the Scripture he is stepping out of the established spiritual authority God has ordained since time eternal. This my friend is a big big deal to God, but most couples ignore the truth of this verse because they enjoy the manipulation and control the misapplication of the truth affords. Again I can name many couples all over the world that take this verse and yoke their spouse into submission instead of love. In the past Karen touched on this thought and I would like to share some of what she wrote, "Is there anything more useless then a man who hasn't been taught by his parents to trim a lousy bush or mow the yard? How sad. In another vein is there anything more pathetic then a man who waits on his wife when she comes home from work and he's worked all day too? He's the one doing all the domestic chores and she well, I don't know what she's doing besides being rebellious and wanting her way. This should not be. Now this is not to suggest a man can't bring his wife a cup of joe (coffee), a snack from the kitchen, even cook dinner, or do dishes. I'm not saying that, but the dynamics here is all wrong, if he's waiting hand and foot on the wife, something's wrong, very wrong and NO the husband is NOT laying his life down by being a doormat and shirking his role as the spiritual leader of the home. This is wrong thinking. In Ephesians Paul tell us, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" (Ephesians 5:22-25) Paul in these verses is not talking about husbands following their wives, just the opposite. Remember Jesus did not follow the disciples they followed Him. This is the correct spiritual order. Paul is talking about the husband providing a loving and nurturing leadership for the wife and the entire family. As Christ leads the church so too the husband is to lead the wife and family. Just a few verses we see the depth of this leadership the husband is to provide, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" (Ephesians 5:28-29) Again it is about leadership not about laying your life down for your wife in serving her. The husband is to love his wife as his self and we all know no one loves us more than ourselves. Christ is the head of the home, then the husband then the wife, then any children. The Bible is quite clear on order in the home. I suggest those whose toes I stepped on should pick up the Bible and see for themselves. If the spiritual authority order is messed up in the home little else will be right in that home and those decisions made in and out of the home will too be in confusion and rebellion. A word about kids. As the High Priest of my home I have learned when we do not provide love, leadership, direction, discipline, and guidance, etc. (all of the qualities God is looking for in us as a leader) for our kids we do not love them. As a matter of fact we make monsters, we maim them, and make them an emotional cripple. One thing I learned when we had kids (we got some good kids and good grand kids, which happened not by accident) and when they would do wrong I would think, "I will give them grace and not discipline or correct them," but God quickly taught me if He did not discipline or correct me then He does not love me. The writer to the Hebrews says, "And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons." (Hebrews 12:5-8) Yes we all (especially me) need His discipline and correction to grow spiritually and if I did not correct my kids (and grandkids when given the opportunity) even at a young age then all I can expect is rebellion at all ages, but if I remember the word of God that says, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod (wooden or metal staff for fighting, working, etc.) of correction shall drive it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15) then I know there will be hope for ages to come. It all starts by lining up with God's word. The husband following Christ as head of the home in turn is able and only then can he love and submit to his wife in a Godly fashion. As the husband fulfills his spiritual responsibility and duty as head of the home and as the wife and kids provide mutual love, support, and obedience to the husband (in reality providing love, support, and obedience to God) can the home be a place of spiritual growth and development. Anything else will end in loss no matter what dream job you have, how big your house is, or how many cars are parked in your drive way. This is the environment God has ordained, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:5) You know many younger Christians say this concept of spiritual authority is old fashion, not keeping up with modern times and the secular practices of modern Christianity. The wife is not led by the husband it is a 50 50 relationship, well to them I say, "crack open your Bible and ask God what He thinks." Now you must be honest in your heart if you expect a reply. His answer may save your marriage. Correct spiritual authority in the home is the good ground for spiritual learning which is found only in the right order and relationship between God, the husband, and the wife who the husband is to love, but not idolize or worship. Written by David Stahl